psychiatric emergency and no doctor?

Yesterday S and I decided to go to the psychiatric e.r. 

I had a conversation with a lady who delivered the bad new that their doctor was out of town (!?).

At a psychiatric emergency? How is that even possible?

S was with me all the time, but not during the "talk" ... some things aren't meant for him to hear, he's better of without them. 

I don't eat, or I do, but not much. I don't want to or I do, but I'm not allowed by the anorexia.

This time I'm fucking done with it! I HATE ANOREXIA! I HATE IT! that's Me speaking... 

But I am the underdog right now, I can't do it alone. 

Is it to much to ask for, just feeling good to be well. 

I'm afraid, at this point I don't think I'll survive my 25th birthday, that's in two years.

I'm afraid every day... what if my heart stops. 

Some days I can't even move, I'm just paralyzed with no strength what so ever. I'm blank, unreachable.

I'm so empty from nutrition and red blood cells that nothing works anymore, even if it is just for a while, a day och two I'm still blank. Almost disrespectful against myself. AND others! Like S, I hate when this things happens. 

And ME, myself and my great supportive boyfriend is the reason I want to get well. 

I think he is my savior, because if he wasn't in my life I'm not sure if I even would have any life left, I'd probably  already starved myself or in any other way commit passive suicide.