Addiction

Today I'm off work or should I write "off work", because I have a hard time not doing this, I do it out of love and passion!
I'm sad today, ate popcorn yesterday because I fitted a pair of 25/34 jeans. I did feel some kind of happiness but yet I felt sad and scared. It's happening again, I will fall, fall hard... face first.

I know that I can't do a regular walk without extra exercising. I'm an idiot! A fucking smart idiot!
I can't take it anymore, I fool myself day in and day out.
I am sooo against anorexia and eating disorders, but at the same time I'm totally in to it.
Like drugs. There's drugs that harms your body more than others but they make you feel good.
In the long run, it kills you. And in the short, it reincarnates you or it gives you the power to hold on for a bit more time.
Anorexia is way beyond the addiction of heroin or crack... you could kill for drugs... could kill. But you DO kill for anorexia, you are killing yourself slowly and ice cold.
I'll write more later, have to much emotions inside of me and it all ends up as a messed up text which no one can understand...

Bye for now.