Haven't been eating today, walked a long walk with our dog, brought myself a banana... it is still in my backpack. Yesterday I started with those laxatives from the hospital, holy shit(!) literally speaking. This empty I've never been before. Feels good, it's quite dangerous for me to take laxatives, because it is a form of purging. And purging leads to starving, which leads to... feeling bad about myself and then anorexia takes over again, already have I'll tell you.
Everytime I start to exercise (just even takes a walk) I start to starve myself. IT'S BAD! Starving only makes you bigger and more hungry for food, or sweets for that matter. So I really try to eat something or at least drink something every day. Like a glass of unsweetened oatmilk, tea or maybe boil some vegetable or mushroom-broth... broth tastes like food, but isn't food and it's warm and you get a tiny bit of kcal's which will keep your metabolism going.
S will be home in an hour, I'll try to clean our place and then... I'll tell him about my thoughts and my behavior, so that he can have an eye on me, or two might be necessary. Then we'll go to the hospital for the rectocopy!
I'll write later, tonight maybe. When I'm back and relaxed after the... rectoscopy.
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