Scared

I took a bath and now I’m packing my stuff. Everything feels scary. I think I’m a bit straggly today. I don’t think I know what I want. I feel very confused and absent-minded.

I actually just wrote down a list of what I want to talk about today with my contact Wivian. One of those many things is that I have never ever felt a self-evident feeling after a meeting, before or at a meeting. I never get those specific feelings of that this is right. I always feel like there’s something else, beyond world as we know it, bothering me. Like nothing helps me and I even considering alternative medicine, therapy, hypnosis and such. Any one with experience of those things? 

And again, I don’t know who I am. I don’t know if I’m anything. I feel hollow and soulless. I want to be one with nature. I want to be happy. Sometimes I laugh, but it's gone the next minute and anxiety takes over. Ah, it really gets to me, spot on. Hate it.

Pangs of conscience!!

There’s so many things I don’t understand, no matter how hard I try too, I never get it. Why are we like this, why are we doing those things, why is everything like it is. Where is everybody else’s conscience?

I’m constantly worried… makes my ulcers hurt.

Back to business, have to pack my stuff and get ready for take-off.