Limbo

Severe anxiety manifestations, depression, anorexia/ eating disorders, OCD .... black on white.
So hard to accept over and over again.
I wonder about what's next.
I'm in so much pain, so so much pain. My whole body hurt.

I really don't like what I am, but yet I don't know who I am without it.
This weekend has been horrible, the past, almost 2 weeks. But worst this weekend.

S is on his way home, just spoke to him.
I'm up, don't feel like sleeping or be awake, I'm kind of in a anxiety limbo. Difficult!

Why is everything so hard, why is real life so far away. I'm just inside my head now.
Need to get out of it. Focus on anything else, anything else.

Real tough anxiety, my sight is like waves, everything moves.
Pleas get out of me, and all those bad thoughts too. Leave my body and my brain.
I can't stand to be insane any longer.

What I've asked for comes up and now I hesitate on whether I should or should not.
I should but I'm not sure if I would.
Can't make this decision on my own, soon S is coming home, finished with the tour. And tomorrow is a new week. With more meetings with doctor L and psychologist Wivian.