Wry self-image and perception of reality ... I do not blame any ideals. The ultimate ideal for me is a healthy body, a lush, sexy and confident woman who can survive an ice age and a ton of adversity but still standing strong with a smile on her face - Not a twig, whose body quits, whose mind is more deranged than the current climate. It's easy to blame, but I don't, it's nobody's fault.
I'm so sick and tired of people who think that I've chosen this life, are you mad? Who would want this shit? NOBODY! "just eat, you have to eat" No shit, are you fucking kidding me? If I could I'd do it...
I'm messing up school, I'm messing up work, I'm messing up my body, my teeth, my family, my relations.
But still I can't imagine a life without anorexia...
I'm afraid of loosing her. I can't live without her.
Right now, she's punishing me for writing the first lines in this text. She is telling me that I'm an idiot... and I'm telling her I'm sorry.
I did exercised in the bathtub today, while bathing/ washing my hair. (can you belive it? Only a ana/mia, e.d can. We'll always find a way to get our workout done), and I'm going out for a walk any minute.
I have a question for you people out there...
How do I make you feel, when you read my blog?
And the anorexia-life goes on.
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