Opportunity to loose weight

13/11- 2010
I weighed myself this morning, I have lost a kilo a day. 61.1 I weighed 3 days ago, and today I weighed 59.0. I will from this day begin to note when I eat and what I eat. Same old routine as always when this happens. Last night the whole family sat and ate pizza together, but not me. I was laying in my room in my bed and tried to sleep myself away from everything that gave me anxiety. When they were finished I went out again and kept them company.  
Yesterday, towards evening, I felt that all my energy was out, so I ate a half of a tomato, but the anxiety was not sneaking up on me, it was damn quick and damn hard. Today we have been on a "field trip", we have been and signed a contract on the house we will live in until our second house (the new beach house) is completed. When I woke up after a restless night, I felt that I can't go up. But I saw a chance to follow mum and dad to the house and walk around and move as much as possible, to loose some fat. Very stupid, I would think when Ana is resting. But I think it was good. I'm thinking of the party tonight, where I probably have to eat and then it's good that I moved myself a bit, so I can feel that I made myself worthy of the food. Mom, dad and me are constantly having chats about how we should react if someone say something about me not eating. We desided that me and my younger cousin will sit by the smaller table, while eating. I don't care if they will hear the truth, it would be a relief acctually. But they wont understand how it is anyway. Every person on my dad's side knows about my "thing". My grannys don't and my uncle and his wife on my mom's side don't. And that's probably the best cus the make jokes and just joking it off, in a bad way. Anorexia doesn't exist in their world.
Right now I drink only tea and tap water, got a bottle of carbonated water from dad when we were at the mall and that was in thursday. But that was way to much with all the bubbles for my stomach to handle.


Psychological impact that I can feel at the moment is that my logical thinking is a bit tough. Reading everything wrong, like I cant read some word and think it says something but it's way wrong. and can't really connect everything as easy as I usually do, but according to Ana, it's great news. I personally don't really know what I think, I guess I agree with Ana.

Food: A half tomato (yesterday, late evening) Today; Nothing so far, but I will eat around 6 p.m
Mood: Quite dissy all the time and mentally unstable, afraid of tonights dinner