Busy

Tomorrow I’ll write you a good one. 

What I should do

I ate potatoe chips.

Definitely a stupid choice, mentally destructive. 

So what do I do from here?

I divide it up I two categories – Want to do and should do.

I want to go out for a run 20 times around the block, I want to do push-ups, sit ups, more cardio and starve.

What I should do is the opposite… 

I should take my medicine, brush my teeth, go to bed and sleep this away, no workout what so ever. But then I get anxiety... I hate anxiety, I hate it so much. It’s so hard to not do what I want, because after all I am an eating disordered person with an anorexic-orthorexic brain. And I will be for a long time.

I’m really sad actually. 

Spirulina and Hemp powder

So, Spirulina and hemp!

I ingest Spirulina as a powder, mixed in hummus, pesto, smoothies, and salads. It tastes nothing, it is dark green and according to some it’s over hyped and others it’s awesome. 

I think it is probably something in between. Can’t be bad for your body, and there’s probably better miracle products, like hemp powder.

Both Spirulina and hemp are high in protein but only the hemp protein can be absorbed by our human body, Spirulina can too but in such a small dose.

But Spirulina is high in in other stuff that I think my body need. So for now Spirulina, bluberry green tea and pumpkinseeds.

I’m vegan and refuse to eat all that processed vegan food. It’s a shame I think, that vegans eat all that fake meat when there’s so much fresh greens and creativity just waiting to be used. 

Worst of all, soy fake meat, so processed. Yuck!

Today is cleaning day, of the entire house. Better get started so I have the evening at liberty.

Want to read more about Spirulina? click here

Fat vs muscles

When starving you starve fat, muscles and your brain. Eat what you need and listen to your body, what does it want? Great work out and right/ good food is better than starving, because you get binge/ cravings and tons of OCD symptoms when your brain is getting starved and that leads to even wors eating disorders. Check this out:

Think straight

See the small signs

I was about to go on a boat ride, a walk and go to a restaurant with Mom, dad and S today. But since yesterday when we decided this I’ve had anxiety and stress symptoms. And I’m afraid of going and push myself too hard and get anx-attacs. So this morning I and S had to cancel our participation.

Probably for the better, I need “a day of” to just catch my breath and rest.

Even though I’m on 100% indefinite sick leave (from working, looking for jobs and demands on me from the community/state/government/institutions, except psychiatry) I’m still getting exhausted and stressed out to a psychological collapse by almost nothing. It’s a disability I have, unfortunately.

I now have financial support for social welfare, a financial safety net. That's a relief.

Not quantity but quality

The day before yesterday’s- and yesterday’s climbing went good, I felt (am) stronger since last time.

I want to climb today too, but the weather is a bit unsteady. Anyway, I’m going to the climbing store with the people I live with and they’re buying climbing shoes. That’s so great! I want to climb with all of my friends. 

It’s such a great workout. Try it, not wall climbing, I mean bouldering.

It’s hard but holy fudge what a tight body you get from it.

My tooth is aching, like nothing else.

It’s the one furthest in on the left side.

I’m quite strict on my food, I think of it all the time. But in order to have the energy to climb I need to eat.

Not quantity, but quality. And I’m still… of course… always jonesing for coffee.  

I feel better

Hello 

Don’t bother the “Old post”-post. It’s just for me.

Summer has arrived, feels good. Yesterday sun was at its highest point so now we are moving towards darker times again. 

Last night was a national feast and booze day, but not for us beneath this roof. Good food and good movies and lots of talking. I actually was here last year too, with S and P. (remember I live with my friend P’s parents place).

I've told you that I started to climb again. I’m already super strong and my back and knee problems are history, in just 1 ½ months. And it is so much fun! I’ll be crazy fit I a couple of months.

I don’t have any anxiety while climbing, feel so good. It’s like benzo effect. And I can’t over exercise as I normally do with running or gym because you run out of energy in two hours and your arm muscles are like… not like cooked spaghettis more as they have no strength left what so ever. So you have to climb in intervals. With running you can just keep running for 2 hours without a pause and that’s a trigger for me, cardio, triggers eating disorders and anxiety.

I’ve gained contact with one of my exes again, Martin, It makes me happy. He’s a good guy.

Well, that’s it for now, I'll try my best to blog more often.

Now I’ll go climbing (bouldering)